SEVEN MY ASS!

Ever thought about the seven wonders of the world? Well today in a random thought I decided to look them up, well according to more than one source there are not only seven wonders of the world, there are eight seperate categories of the seven wonders, and I was thinking right after my original six tour, and my skiing in the rockies and alps, I would hit the seven wonders of the world tour. Well according to this list of the SEVEN(??) wonders of the world, I have been to 11 of the 56? Fifty six what the hell is that? I guess the “56 wonders of the world” was not a great marketing slogan so they changed it to seven, and added sub categories. By the way, most of these places on this list charge a fee so if you think it is not a marketing ploy think again, you have got to love capitalism!

The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World (0-7)
Can't say that I have ever been to any of these and I can not say that I will never go, seeing that some of these are in the Middle East and Uncle Sam is bound to ship me off there one of these days. Not that I will be doing much sight seeing but hey you never know I may get in to one or two of these places while shooting at some skinnies.
The Great Pyramid of Giza
The Hanging Gardens of Babylon
The Temple of Artemis at Ephesus
The Statue of Zeus at Olympia
The Mausoleum at Halicarnassus
The Colossus of Rhodes
The Pharos of Alexandria

The Seven Wonders of the Medieval Mind (1-7)
Haven't been to any of these either, I did see part of the Great Wall of China at Epcot once, so for technical reasons I will mark that one off with an astrict and move it to the bottom of my to do list, and count it for now, hell that is a communist country and I am not putting myself through hours of interrogation just to see some dam wall!
Stonehenge
The Colosseum
The Catacombs of Kom el Shoqafa
The Great Wall of China *
The Porcelain Tower of Nanjing
The Hagia Sophia
The Leaning Tower of Pisa

The Seven Natural Wonders of the World (2-7)
Check that block, been to the Grand Canyon. I also thought that Niagra Falls was on this portion of the list but I guess not. Also how come the Great Barrier Reef is on this list and the next one! Something fishy here, Niagra is being added from an admin stand point, and why because this is my freaking blog and I said it should be on there so sit down and shut your pie hole.
Mount Everest
The Great Barrier Reef See The next dam list!
The Grand Canyon YEAH! I been there!
Victoria Falls
The Harbor of Rio de Janeiro
Paricutin Volcano
The Northern Lights
Niagara Falls (U.S. Side, the Canadian side does not count, until you eliminate those French speaking, tree hugging, white flag waving jackasses who live in Montreal.

The Seven Underwater Wonders of the World (0-7)
O.K. the Great Barrier Reef is now only on one list (I must have copied this crap off an Aussie web site) nothing like stuffing the ballot box or anything. Still have not been to any of these, some day if MARCH ever gets me diving, we will make the trip to Australia and go swimming with the Great Whites feeding at the reef.
Palau
The Belize Barrier Reef
The Galapagos Islands
The Northern Red Sea
Lake Baikal
The Great Barrier Reef*
The Deep Sea Vents

The Seven Wonders of the Modern World (4-7)
OK so I have been to the CN tower, I have been to the Empire State Building, I have been to the Panama Canal, and I have been to the Golden Gate Bridge. That make this list close to completion, not sure if I will ever do the Channel Tunnel, just imagine a Ted Williams incident halfway through that bad boy. NO THANKS, not to mention the fact that XM does not work in tunnels and I may miss Mike and Mike while driving through.
The Empire State Building DONE
The Itaipú Dam
The CN Tower DONE
The Panama Canal DONE
The Channel Tunnel
The North Sea Protection Works
The Golden Gate Bridge DONE

The Seven Forgotten Natural Wonders of the World (2-7)
FIVE, what the hell happened to the other two? They are so forgotten that who ever came up with this list forgot to add them? WFT OVER! If they are forgotten, then who the hell cares, Niagara Falls is on this list (must be for the Canadian side as no one goes to the Canadian side unless they went to the U.S. side first and drove across the bridge, just to say they went to Canada. Been to the Bay of Fundy, this place is pretty amazing when the tide comes in, I highly recommend it, the tide comes in something like 60 feet higher than low tide. I was fairly impressed with the whole thing.
Angel Falls
The Bay of Fundy DONE
Iguaçú Falls Krakatoa Island
Mount Fuji Mount Kilimanjaro
Niagara Falls *(Canadian side) DONE

The Seven Forgotten Modern Wonders of the World (2-7)
This whole forgotten theme needs to go, give me a dam break are they wonders or are the not? The Clock Tower (Big Ben) DONE.. “Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament..” For you Chevy Chase fans!
Eiffel Tower
The Gateway Arch
The Aswan High
Dam Hoover Dam DONE
Mount Rushmore National Memorial
The Petronas Towers

The Seven Forgotten Wonders of the Medieval Mind (0-7)
OK is this of the world or of the mind? Either way I’m 0-7 here, unless of course I go there in my mind. Shut up, I can do what I want, after all IT’S MY DAM BLOG and it’s is my mind, well what is left of it at least, not to mention the portion Uncle Sam has brain washed, hell o.k. so it WAS my mind and now I lease it!
Abu Simbel
Temple Angkor
Wat Taj Mahal
Mont Saint-Michel
The Moai Statues
The Parthenon
The Shwedagon Pagoda

Tell me how it is...

FIRST OFF, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCH!

OK so some of you know what I do for a living and some of you may have figured it out. Either way, I have been in my career field for ten years, working at various locations around the world doing various types of activities in my arena of work. Not to boast but I am considered one of the up and coming young guns in my line of work and have been brought back in house to do some training of new employees on the finer art of being a professional scum bag. Well today my superiors decided that the training staff has been a little to harsh on some of the new folks and they want to give us a class on how to be a good classroom instructor. Now that is fine, I am not a professional instructor (well I am according to my job description, but in reality I am someone who has been there, done that, and that is why I am where I am teaching about real life situations these people are likely to run into) So my feathers are ruffled because they have taken someone who has a degree in education (not sure if they have ever taught in a classroom, and if they did it was not a group of adults, it was at most some high school kids, which is different.) and they have told this person that they will teach us (the trainers) how to approach our class. OK teach me how to approach them, but don't go telling me that when I say, "you'll sh#t your pants the first time you shoot at someone or get shot at " or "talking like that to a border guard in country X will get you an a$$ beating", or "when someone is interrogating you it is not because they think your cute" this is not something these kids need to hear. Well in my professional opinion, I am going to tell them like it is, not how some person with NO experience who has not been there or even heard stories from someone who has thinks I should tell them. This business sucks and there are minimal rewards for the work you do, every time you step out the door you are putting your life, your families life and all those who know you (watch out MARCH this means you) on the line. There are people out there who would love to get a hold of someone you care about just to make you miserable (I guess your safe then MARCH) it truly is a sick business and I am suppose to handle these kids who have never been exposed to any of it that everything is fine and dandy and that at no time will they ever be put in harms way. Guess Uncle Sam wants them to see this world through candy coated glasses and let them think everything is just great. Man do I feel sorry for the next class when they actually go out and do their job and run into that one person who just simply hates America and will slap the crap out of them of just looking American.
This place is JACKED UP!

Some weekend FUN!

I spent this past weekend doing two of my favorite things, playing hockey and drinking. I traveled to sunny, ok mostly cloudy, Pottstown PA to play in a hockey tournament. This was a twelve team tourney with each team guaranteed at least three games and the finals being the two teams with the most points from each of the two six team divisions (Point breakdown was; two for a win, one for a tie, and nodda for a loss) which means you loose one game and you are pretty much done. The ride to PA was pretty much uneventful, other than the freaking traffic which is expected in the DC area. The team "Englewood Jack" (we had to spell it with an “E” due to copyright laws and the fact that we have shirts, hats, magnetic signs and many other forms of useless paraphernalia) met in downtown Manassas about 1:00 on Friday and headed North (well actually West, then North but who the hell cares) we had about 14 cars, vans, and sport utilities filled with the likes of 40 pounds of steak tips, 100 hamburger patties, ten packages of hot dogs, who the hell knows how many packages of buns (but as Saturday would tell us it was not enough) 29 cases of beer consisting of everything from Bud to Ice cold Sammy Adams (of course staying with my Boston roots, I refused to pack my 60 gallon igloo with anything but Sammy) Our team captain had the whole trip planned out from start to finish, we would all meet at the Taco Bell parking lot at 1:00 and he would place us in vehicle order for the road trip (seemed a little anal until I figure out there was a method to his madness) El’ Capitan had it worked out so that those of us who carry get out of jail free cards where spaced with one in the front, one in the middle and two bringing up the rear, this was to ensure that the only thing issued on the highway was a DEA, US CUSTOMS or USSS tee-shirt, and a hand shake with a promise to keep our speed reasonable. Needless to say no one was stopped, and all in all the weekend only had one instance of local law enforcement interference which was quickly squashed when a couple of us badged up and agreed to stop drinking in the rink parking lot at the request of four local Pottstown PD. (I think this was the biggest show of police presence this town had seen in years, the let down on the corporals face when he realized he was busting up a group of feds was priceless.) So we arrived at the hotel (Holiday Inn express) at about five on Friday night and proceeded to check in, grab a quick snack, two or three or four cold beers, then it was off to the rink for our 9:00 PM game. We where not sure what to expect, but we knew one thing, we had 18 guys which meant almost four lines of skaters, we knew we could skate anyone into the ground come the third period. The game started off quick and the pace was fast, the team we faced was decent but had a short bench, only carrying nine guys. We scored about 30 seconds into the game on a break away by my brother-in-law who was brought in as a pure ringer and it showed early, as he was untouchable. By the middle of the second period the other team was legless and we skated to an easy 5-0 win. I came out of the contest with two goals and two assists, and a plus five rating. Once back in the locker room, we found a nice present of two cases of beer sitting in the middle of the room, turns out the winning team gets two cases of beer after each win. (This is on top of the 29 we had already. This was not a good thing as some of our gents usually forget that we can stop drinking even if we still have beer left) After the game we decided to head back to the hotel order up a couple of hundred hot wings and consume our winning beer, deciding to take it easy, seeing that game two was at 9:15 Saturday morning. Well taking it easy meant that we went to bed by 2:00 am this had no correlation to the amount of beer we drank, as if you don't have a beer in your hand with this team somebody is likely to make you shot gun one (HINT: when playing with the Jack's keep a can in your hand even when passing out). By the time 2 am rolled around I was about ten beers deep and had consumed what felt like fifty wings. Earlier in the evening we had concocted our room heater/AC as to where all our gear was being air dried, the stench that came from that room when we opened the door stained the walls in the hallway, it was a cross between a deer that had been lying on I-95 for two weeks in August and baby puke. I thought for sure my wings where going to come up. After about thirty minutes I finally got used to the stench, not to mention I think I passed out (beer or smell being the cause is yet to be determined) but none the less when I packed my gear for the game Saturday morning it was dry! We packed our bags and headed for the lobby to do some damage to the continental breakfast. I pounded a couple of cinnamon buns and two giant glasses of apple juice (mistake one and two) and headed to the rink for game two. Game two was more entertaining that game one, as we where all hung over (some of us still drunk, others actually puking prior to taking the ice, I myself wanted to puke or at least take a dump but could not do either, in fear of doing both at the same time.) when all was said and done we had skated circles around this team and laughed, puked and pissed (one guy left between periods to piss and was gone for fifteen minutes, that was either a shit or a puke, either way it was funny, and definitely not a piss) our way to a 9-0 victory. I came out of that one still drunk, with two goals and four assists and was a plus 7. After the game we once again found those two mysterious cases of beer begging us to drink them so of course we did and then headed to the hotel to once again stain the walls with stench and take a quick nap and be back at the rink for a 5:15 game. The afternoon game was the talk of the tournament, as it was two of the three undefeated teams playing each other and it was billed as young and fast vs. old and skilled (we where the latter, as our team age average was 34 and we had two guys under 26) The game started off fast and the young bastards got off to a two – zip lead at the end of the first. We battled back in the second and trailed 2-1 starting to carry the play as the young guns could not keep rolling with the three lines we had coming at them. (They had 9 guys total and we showed them that three plus lines is the way to go in a men’s league tournament.) The third period started off bad as we let up two soft goals in the first minute and a half, and found ourselves trailing 4-1, things where not looking good for the Jack’s streak of ten straight appearances in tournament finals. About halfway through the period the young guns where spent they could not catch our first line and the other lines just kept the pressure on in the offensive zone. When all was said and done we had mounted the most incredible comeback in Jack’s history and we tallied seven goals in the third period to win 8-6. I ended that game with a goal and three assists and was a plus 5. The Jack’s had done the impossible we beat the young guns and where now the talk of the parking lot beer drinking, the word was out about our first line being able to fly and scoring the majority of our goals, and the long bench pounding guys into submission in the third period. The best part was the other teams thought we where all from Virginia and not until Saturday night did the word get out that 16 of our 18 guys grew up in Boston playing real hockey, everything from my NCAA Div-III background to one guy who played at Harvard. We had kid on the hook for playing who was actually drafted and played in the AHL, but the rules prohibit professional players or so it says (home town teams are given a waiver, or so it seemed). Saturday night consisted of the consumption of our two winning cases of beer and the remaining 18 or so cases, with three guys passing out and needing assistance to their rooms and the rest of us banging off the hallway walls on the way to our rooms. Which was not a real issue as our championship game was not until 11am (we finally went to bed sometime between 3 and 4 am.) We woke up around 9:30 and headed to the lobby to destroy the buffet once again and then off to the championship to claim our trophy. The finals started off really bad, we let up two goals in the first period and found ourselves facing a team that was made up of the ten players who where on the teams roster for the tournament and five players from the team we beat the night before… Hmmmmm… something stunk, other than our gear. Not to mention the two guys who showed up with ECHL stickers on their helmets and San Jose Sharks pants, and gloves, NHL logo and all, meaning they likely played in the San Jose organization at some point. These two guys where fast as hell and had rockets for shots. Turns out the team we beat Saturday night and the team we where playing where both local teams that had purposely been put in the two separate division so that they could cake walk through and play each other in the finals. What they did not expect was this team from Virginia to come in and dominate one of the divisions. By the end of the second period we had netted two goals and let in three, it was now 5-2 and not looking good. We then found out that the refs where also hometown favorites, we had five or six non calls that where blatant penalties, ( a punch, two cross checks in front of the net and a trip on a break away) so by the time the third period rolled around we where ready to take matters into our own hands. We began to play the body, one guy who shoots the puck in the high double digit range drilled the ref on what looked like an accidental dump, but was later to determined to be a missed head shot that hit the guy in the ribs. (my guess is at least one broken rib the way the bitch went down.) With a two minutes left and the Jack’s letting in another goal to go down 8-2 we called a time out, put the four guys we had over six feet on the ice and myself (only because in our regular league I have been known to mix it up every now and then, and have had some sucess, plus I don't care if I get beat up, as long as I get a couple of good shots in I'm happy.) When the puck dropped it looked like something out of slap shot and the gloves came off. I grabbed the center and hit him three times before he knew what was coming dropping him to the ice, and pinning him down while the rest of the boys squared up. Even the goalies met at center ice, removed there helmets, blockers and gloves and began to dance, it was great! We even had someone yell “ENGLEWOOD JACK” (watch the link for that one) making me laugh, which is when I asked the guy I was laying on if he had enough, he said yeah and actually tapped me on the shoulder and said you got me good with that first one. (I though it was the second one that actual buckled his knee’s) So as it ended (refs ran out the rest of the clock) the Jack’s lost the game but won the fight which is almost as good, we had one guy cut they had three, two requiring stitches and one looking like he had his nose moved to the side of his eye. We left the ice to cheers from the stands and from the other teams who had come out to watch what they thought was going to be a Jack’s easy win, they all said they liked the fight better than the game. I ended up with one goal and was even as I was only on the ice for one of their goals. Moral of the story is that if the Jacks’ don’t win the game they WILL win the fight! What a weekend, my body is begging for a tub full of ice right now but it was definitely worth it and I can not wait for our next run. I ended the four game weekend, with 6 goals and 9 assists and a whopping plus 17, not to mention a victory in the ring.

SCARED

Well I just returned from a trip to Tampa where I was involved in some training for our Uncle Sam. Part of the training involved people getting interrogated by some detectives on their activities while in the Tampa area. Needless to say, this portion was highly entertaining from my observer standpoint (the students on the other hand I am sure did not enjoy it) the interrogation took place along a traffic jammed road in a rest area ajacent to a local beach, in other words it was packed with tourists and as we found out from the detectives homo's, yup this was a local hang out for men seeking other men. Thank god we did not run into any of them. Anyway, just as the interrogation began it started to poor rain and I mean poor, there was a river running through the rest area and the detectives used it to their advantage as the students got put on their knees in the make shift river. I was extremely entertained and the first few students did fairly well and did not give up any information that would lead to the discovery of the teams activities, but I got scared when the most senior person began to get interrogated. This moron not only cracked and gave up all sorts of details on what they had been doing, but he also demanded to contact his superior putting up a fight (well he would have if he was not hog tied with plastic zip ties) He then gave up one of the sources they used and basically left him out to dry. In a real world scenario the source, the government employee and likely the rest of the team would have been beat senseless and the source would likely have rolled, causing their further detention and the eventual killing of the source.
It was a sad day, as we thought we had trained this individual better, but just goes to show you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink. The worst part is that this retard is in charge of the team.
The future of our country lays in hands similar to theirs. That makes me SCARED!

Something for our Immature lighter side.

Some of you may think this is a tad immature but it is a legend that needs to be told......

OK I have been begging MARCH to tell this story, but for some reason he has refused so I will give it my best shot.

It was well over twenty years ago, and like many summer nights from our childhood, March, our friend ALCO and I decided to camp out in the back yard. We started the prep work for our excursion to the deep back corner of my parent’s one acre lot early that afternoon. We robbed our piggy banks, and likely the black film containers full of quarters my old man used to keep on his dresser and headed off for the local corner store Cumberland Farms, for as much junk food as we could get for the five or six bucks in change we had gathered.
From what I remember we likely bought Fun Dip, Orange cheese popcorn (March was and I am sure still is a big cheese popcorn fan) and four or five packs of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. We had no need to buy soda, we knew we would be able to swipe two or three two liter bottles from my old man as he was known as a Sprite-oholic. He was always looking for that $.99 sale on Sprite and buying four or five cases of it. That was one thing you could always count on at my house, Sprite; it was always in the fridge and it was always stock piled in the basement.
After the trip to “Cumbee’s” we grabbed the two “pop tents” headed off into the great wilderness of 25 Pond St to pick a prime spot for our tents. The night went on like most, we watched some TV in the house, while eating some of the junk we bought, careful not to tip our hand as to how much we actually had in fear of an intervention by mom. When nine o'clock rolled around and dad had taken enough abuse for one night he banished us to the back yard. We quickly gathered what was left of our initial stash of food, grabbed a flashlight and headed into the wilderness. We had set up the tents so that the tent flaps made a small canopy between the tents, March and I where in one tent and Alco was in the other and we went about our normal routine of mother jokes, belching and the occasional passing of gas. Typical 10 -12 year old stuff, all the while we continued to eat the popcorn, fun-dip, and Reese’s washing it down with Sprite. Life was good, until Alco began to complain that he did not feel well. March being the brainchild behind our little escapade decided to reach into his bag of how to get instant relief, and told Alco to fart, "Farting always makes you feel better" which of course made March and I erupt into uncontrollable laughter. After gathering ourselves and wiping the tears from our eyes we heard Alco making some strange grunting sounds from the other tent, when out of no where came what is still known to the three of us as the longest loudest most horrific sound to exit ones bowels. March and I instantly returned to the uncontrollable laughter and tears along with utter amazement that Alco was able to produce such a sound, just when we thought we could not laugh any harder or cry any more, Alco uttered the most famous statement ever made in our small neighborhood….. “uuuuhhhh that made me feel worse…..” followed by, “Can I use your phone, I think I need to go home.” To this day, Alco is still ashamed of his unmatched performance that night and to this day anytime there is a reference to this story March and I break into uncontrollable laughter and tears. It is one of those childhood memories that I know March and I will never forget, and it is surely a feet that no human could ever match!

Someone get March a tissue... I know for a fact he is laughing so hard he is crying right now, as I am!

Call me CRAZY!

So the Bruins have all but stated that they are done in the free agent market, despite the rumors that they are perusing Brendan Shannahan. I quote you from good old acting GM "management's emphasis will now switch to the likes of Bergeron and Brad Boyes, the team's prime restricted free agents." To me that says we are done with the paying for the hired guns and we are going to take the twelve guys we have on the roster now and fill the gaps with Jerry's Kids. Well that is all fine and dandy until the new kids on the block don't strap the remaining eighteen guys on their back and skate us to a cup. This has all the makings for the same disaster we had last season. Joe and Sammy (even though my father in law says Sammy was not ever playing to what he was projected to, mind you my father in law is in my opinion one of the greatest hockey minds in New England, but I disagree.) Sammy got the shaft, played with a different group of guys each night and battled injuries, got the short end of the stick most of the time. If you step back and look at some hightlights of our man Sammy you will see one of the most incredible skaters and puck handlers in the game. Our two superstars which at one time where called the future of the Bruins where shipped out when the remaining cast failed to even be qualified for AHL competition not to mention NHL caliber play. So where am I going with this, well recently our beloved management team has stated that Zedno Chara was "a unique property, a huge and effective minutes eater whose size and strength lead to an intimidation factor beyond any backliner in the game. A potential team captain, he could be the franchise cornerstone we have lacked since Ray Bourque." Well I'll be, sounds a lot like Zedno is the new face of the Bruins and I would be willing to bet he dons the cover of this year media guide as well as the Bruins year book. (much like Joe and Sammy did for the past few years.) Call me CRAZY but after a year or two at 7.5 million a year you will see Zedno getting slapped in the face by this same management team when they ship him out of town for two or three players who make less than he does combined and the excuse will be that he did not perform as they had expected. Of course this story will have a happy ending much like this year and Chara will win the league MVP......

Still holding my breath hoping to see Sammy come back to beantown as a free agent.... He remains unsigned and we could get him at a discount, or for at least what they are offering Shanahan, and we would not have to worry about Sammy getting his social security check while still on our roster.....

Fire Sale!

Well the free agent period has begun and our beloved Bruins have signed two of the most expesive free agents out there. The have also traded a couple of folks, and have said they will be working more free agents. That said they have spent 13 million on two guys and with what they have on the books already, we are likely looking at two good lines with the third and fourth line being made up of AHL wanna bees. Not even AHL allstars. I hope I am wrong, after all Chara is 6' 9" and weighs about as much as a volkswagon bug, i.e. one big SOB, he also has an offesive side to his game and can actually skate the puck unlike Hal "cement shoes" Gil, and he does not get penalty after penalty like Nick "skate a shift sit in the box for two" Boyton.
The other big free agent is Marc savard who yes had some 90 plus points but he also skated with two of the most dynamic skaters in the league and we cerntainly don't have that. From what I see we have the makings of a team that will make the playoffs and be one and done. We lack a serious scoring threat from a second line and we have unproven goaltending (if you think Tim Thomas is tested, tell me what his NHL playoff record is....... )

Read Marches Funny story #1 *aka my longest post ever about the Prom.... It is a classic ! Ask him about the ALCO story... it is immature but will make you laugh so hard you will cry.